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Phenomenon 77 - "REIFIER"

Surely it’s you; you were made to the size of my body.

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I desire your goodness
I think of
burning the surface of
your face.
There's changes on
this side of paradise
it means nothing to us.

I dream of you often.
touching you,
a diamond, like skin,
It makes me weep.
the surface, warped by
heat and friction,
It means nothing to us.

lung






disem
stamp1
mark

To : No One
I've lost something. Can you help me find it?
This will probably not find you, but if it does,
you know where to find me.

Forgive me, won't you?
LK

I haven't come to terms with my own body. I don’t think I ever will.

Yesterday, I watched a star explode, and I felt shards of glass raining on my face. One of the little star pieces cut me deep to the bone.1 They are old bones that hold empty promises. Old skin drapes over the hollow—you could tell in its wrinkles and its scars that it doesn’t seem to fit right.

Earlier that day, I told you to meet me at Rue de la Mémoire. When I saw you, I inched closer to you, and we were somewhere else, and we were so close and so far from each other.

You were covered in sugar and sweet things. You were covered in blood and rot. You were covered in the wrath of the sea, like a ghost ship. I felt your ectoplasm; I felt déjà vu. Then I kissed you. And it was like we were meant to be and not meant to exist at all.

My line: You are my soul mate, I think. Your line: The ghost was sad because it had no-body to dance with, ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha, I laughed. The world laughed at us.

bodied
stamp2
mark

WHEN I'M DRUNK, I ALWAYS WANT TO TALK TO
YOU. I USED TO MAKE YOU LAUGH. I LOVED YOU
FOR A LONG TIME, A LONG TIME AGO.


DON'T BE A STRANGER,
CH

I have come to the conclusion that you have to be part of me.

We pass each other as strangers first. There are things I feel that I should say to you, but you don’t look twice at me. I am unsure if you see me. Do you see me? I’m impossible to miss.

I drift towards you on purpose. Like currents, swirling, you can’t avoid me. How could I have known that it was you who would ruin me? Who would bring me to completion, the hand of God, plunging me into blind darkness while covered in blood like a newborn whale—yes, it’s you.

Surely it’s you; you were made to the size of my body.

To encapsulate it. The amniotic sac bursts and I crawl out of the seafoam, jaws dripping. It’s like a rush of blood in the ears. I’m wet, gather me up in your arms. In your mouth, an oyster with a pearl of flesh. Only I fit there, surely…

There is one thing separating us,
the things I could do
I don't tell you any of it
because I know you
like maybells
and my only desire
that I believe in

there is only one thing I want
with your hands
even the ways that you ruin me
are sweet and clean
like dying,
like everything else
is violent and derelict.

I
see you
from across
a wide ocean of
pale blue tears. It is
massive in wingspan but
the water only hits your knees.
I want to drown in the water of this
womb, become formless, skin to your skin,
You’re in the subscript of my veins. Even my
hands are your hands. At night I find you restless.

I’m
looking
at you and I’m
no longer scared.
Can I hold you tonight
and every night? We can still
sit on our little chairs eating little
sweet things and talking our little talks.
I think we could work—yes, it’s all written
in the protoplasm. My membrane wraps around
the both of us and we find that we are the punchline.


We sink into each other, lapsing, deep blue and black. Like tectonic plates shifting. There is no you, there is no me. The self is not the self.


Interview Log

Interviewer:Lou K.
Subject:Cadriel H.


It’s you.


I’m sorry.

Something’s missing. Do you feel it too?


Yes.

Where was it that we were supposed to meet?


Do you not remember?

I think I've lost everything. What am I to you?


You destroy me. I don’t know how to tell you. You complete me.
The whole of me, every last breath. Do you remember Rue de la Mémoire?

To be honest, I don’t think I liked it all that much there anyway. I didn’t hate it.
Oh. It seems I am indifferent. I’ve lost the ability to give a shit.


All the time, I want to tell you about my life. But it never happens. It’s a transparent landscape.

I think I want to clean up your blood again. I liked the way you looked at me.


I know.

If you want, we can be whole again.


You are as near as I come to being complete.

I've been selfish. I guess I should apologize.


You don’t mean that.


I don’t care… Look, it doesn’t mean anything to me. We both know how this ends.

Will you come back?


I will. I’m sorry. I still love you.

Their bodies dissipate into each other as if they were making love—but it is far from anything lovely, it’s more like matted ash in one’s mouth.2 Even they do not know how it ended up this way. Their transubstantiation of matter, vestigial structures one non-entity, is blood from a stone. It is sharp and excruciating and beautiful. They phase right through each other, indistinguishable as smoke. A piece of driftwood looks like a dead calf. A fallen tree looks like a frozen strike of lightning. Now they pass as ships in the night. Finger to finger, the hand of God.

ILOVEYOUOYEVOLI
ILOVEYOYEVOLI
ILOVEYEVOLI
ILOVEVOLI
ILOVOLI
ILOLI
ILI
I