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Far too often I see things that are unelaborated, where ideas are not properly used.
On the contrary, this seems to almost use its ideas too much.
This is so long but yet still manages to be interesting.
Good Stuff.
+1
Thank you! Thank you for your crit as well
U.E. Menzies
Starter: don't be intimidated by the big paras
Hmm maybe this page just isn't for me. Don't get me wrong, I love worldbuilding and lore and everything in between, but I feel as if this page underfocuses on some details that I would consider to be significant, and overfocuses on details that I feel were otherwise kind of boring to read for me due to the strictly wikipedia-esque tone used — such as the amount of clans listed near the bottom which felt quite repetitive after a while, and the random list of given names. It is specifically because of this tone and the nature of the page itself that it kind of less immersive on my end, which is perhaps strange considering I enjoy reading wikipedia pages?
A few significant things I found to be missing and could probably be good to expand on instead of the things I found to be less-than-interesting are: 1. the lack of proper elaboration on how the Middle-Eastern group and the East Asian group and those that formed from them came together to be referred to/conceptualized under the same idea of "the Venoshans" and how they happened to have the same general structure across them despite the highly differing cultures and physical separation between them due to the nature of the Backrooms, 2. the lack of elaboration on how the initial 2 cultures from earth influenced and interacted with each other and the anglo-saxon/celtic culture as well as the actual culture of the Lost beyond just wars and allyships, 3. the very.. one note description on how they have no religion or spiritual beliefs, not even backrooms-unique one, despite the nature of the Backrooms, the nature of people usually seeking out others of the same religion when met with diversity instead of converting to agnosticism/atheism, and lack of elaboration on how/why they converted over the centuries and how other groups may or may not have influenced this, and 4. the very odd and very little explanation regarding the Venoshan language, how all these differing groups decided to speak and develop the same language, how their initial frontrooms languages influenced this language, and why they can understand differing dialects with ease despite how isolated they are, not to mention the fact that the FinOliver clan members can speak modern English, implying heavy cultural contact with recently no-clipped English speakers (because whatever Middle English they spoke 500 years ago would have certainly turned into something that isn't English or Scots by now).
I know this seems very nitpicky, but I since strict wiki-worldbuilding pages like this aren't very prose/base concept-dependent, I look for detail to immerse myself in them, and of course that leads to the nature of me noticing when things feel off or missing in those details that I would've otherwise ignored in pages that focus on story/figurative-interpretation/emotional-hook/etc. Regardless, don't take this as anything more on the rambling of my tastes and thoughts on the immersion of a fictional culture, because I highly doubt this counts as meaningful crit rather than random things to think about. Because, fundamentally, this isn't a bad page! I just felt like saying things.
These are all good points, though I'll try to respond to them anyway
1. the lack of proper elaboration on how the Middle-Eastern group and the East Asian group and those that formed from them came together to be referred to/conceptualized under the same idea of "the Venoshans" and how they happened to have the same general structure across them despite the highly differing cultures and physical separation between them due to the nature of the Backrooms.
I just kinda figured that wouldn't have been documented much since most early Venosha stuff is a mystery, nor did I want to distract from the point of the article, that being the actual Venosha. I'm sure there's a realistic scenario one could think up for this to happen.
2. the lack of elaboration on how the initial 2 cultures from earth influenced and interacted with each other and the anglo-saxon/celtic culture as well as the actual culture of the Lost beyond just wars and allyships,
Another fair point. Though I will say the first paragraph says the two groups the Venosha descend from to themselves be "the descendants of" Frontrooms people, without stating what year they were created. Although I'd imagine they aren't crazy old or anything, I always imagined them with an at the very least "semi-unique" culture. And at that point it be a matter of writing about how two essentially fictional cultures interact and I think that would distract from the article a good bit. I probably could've expanded on Anglo/Celtic interaction with The Venosha though, my bad.
3. the very.. one note description on how they have no religion or spiritual beliefs, not even backrooms-unique one, despite the nature of the Backrooms, the nature of people usually seeking out others of the same religion when met with diversity instead of converting to agnosticism/atheism, and lack of elaboration on how/why they converted over the centuries and how other groups may or may not have influenced this,
I just assumed most people who end up in the Backrooms end up agnostic or atheist unless incredibly faithful, as entering the Backrooms must be a pretty traumatic and life-changing experience. I do see your point though. In all honesty, I was debating creating a unique religion, but thought I would either take too long describing it and have it distract from the main article, or take very little describing it and have it feel bland, without any in-between. I am brainstorming ideas for another group that does have a unique religion, and said religion will play into the group a lot more.
4. the very odd and very little explanation regarding the Venoshan language, how all these differing groups decided to speak and develop the same language, how their initial frontrooms languages influenced this language, and why they can understand differing dialects with ease despite how isolated they are, not to mention the fact that the FinOliver clan members can speak modern English, implying heavy cultural contact with recently no-clipped English speakers (because whatever Middle English they spoke 500 years ago would have certainly turned into something that isn't English or Scots by now).
With the point about the Venoshan language, I just kinda assumed the two groups they descend from to have their own language, so it be a matter of combining two languages as opposed to a bunch. And how those two groups got their own language isn't really the business of the Venosha article. And for the dialects, I don't think they're terribly isolated from each other. Not that they meet up commonly or anything, but with the existence of things Like The Stralls and Hera Stralls I'm sure they interact every now and then, enough to be able to understand different dialects at least. The modern English thing I don't have an excuse for, my bad. I'll go ahead and change that to the clan speaking Middle English and Scots after writing this. I can realistically see FinOliver continuing to speak Middle English and Scots if they knew it in the past given the focus on conservation in Venosha culture.
Despite me going on the tangent, I do think all of the points provided were pretty good, and I'll keep all this in mind next time I make a group like this. I just feel like some the points could be excused with how vague early Venosha history is.
U.E. Menzies
The first quote "lets" is no cap, while the second quote's "Lets" is this on purpose?
-Have a good day!
I put a comma instead of a period, whoops
U.E. Menzies
