The Backrooms

In spite of the somewhat awkward prose used in the article, I do like this page. Cool ideas and sick images! +1

has better facets like the exploration of the whiteout from differing perspectives, but still falls into a lot of the same pacing and structural issues as the original page.

-1

Despite the wording feeling a bit off at times, I do like this page, and I am fond of how this page expanded the whiteout. However, I'm a tiny bit iffy on the handling of the maker. I feel as if the original page, though poor in execution, had a certain mystery surrounding him that was toned down in this page, though still prevalent. Because of this, stuff like the makers "whatever you think I could be" line don't have the same oomph as they did in the original

Despite this, I'm super fond of the ideas brought forth by the rewrite such as the sculpture rooms and pale garden. And it's enough to earn a +1 from me

edit: changed to novote

The prose could have used a lot more work. There are places where the prose repeats itself, almost word for word.

A lot of rooms in The Whiteout look very similar to each other, but they never repeat. They resemble spaces like kitchens, livingrooms, bathrooms and corridors.

They all look very similar to each other, but they never repeat.

This is a particularly egregious example. Aside from the slight rewording, the sentence is the exact same. This is not the only place it happened, but I highly recommend getting more critique before you post next time.

This was my first and worst page on this site. After half a year its hard for me to look at it.