The Backrooms

While this page had a rough start, it pulled itself together at the end. I really like the idea that the seeds the person had grown into what the level became. However, I feel that the execution wad a bit bland. The information presented in a lot of the page is considerably uninteresting, and it doesn’t really intrigue me until the very end. I like this idea and I think this has a lot of potential, and I hope you attempt to rewrite this one day.

P.S. I’m sorry that I couldn’t provide critique when this was being drafted, I have been very busy with school.

Edit: after thinking it over, I feel that it is more appropriate for me to novote here.

I like how tough plants are and how vital they are.

Plants colonising the level and making it safer is quite an interesting concept. The reason I am novoting is because some aspects kind of don't make a lot of sense. There is no way someone could survive 55°C for two days. They would be lucky to survive over an hour. Also, 80°C is incredibly high, that is close to the boiling point of water. How would plants be able to colonise regions of the level that are that hot? Is there some particular Backrooms phenomenon that makes them more heat tolerant?

The page concept is cool, but I think how he lost his backpack but still kept a diary and a pen seems like a loophole, it's as if he holds them in his hand harder than the backpack strapped to his back that the sandstorm can't blow them off. Other than that, everything else is great, and the idea can be expansive.

I do not seek perfection, only the fire and love of storytelling.

Shadows of perfection will come, in time.

I like this

Great concept. Like the writing. Some parts could use a little polishing but other than that it's a great page.

interesting concept, dull execution. also, the dialogue sounds really off.

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