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Really good! I can’t wait to see what you do next ;) I love the idea of this first and foremost but the execution is really good too! I hope you can take this idea even further at some point, and you can count on me to read it when you do :)
ReyDay,
I will "echo" the comment above. Love this!
But, this should "stand alone." The author is "stuck." Please, keep it that way!
That is the strength of the piece. Leave them begging for more.
(Edit: If this was a real contest, I would be worried. )
Your friend and colleague,
Goerman
https://backrooms-wiki.wikidot.com/goerman
Went from a novote to a +1 in my eyes. Glad you made the changes we talked about and happy to see this posted :>
Thank you so much!!! Your critique really helped and I’m much happier with how it is currently. Couldn’t have done it without you, bro
Overall the writing is very good. It's solid, you have a point you want to make. However, I'm not upvoting it because it feels… still unfinished. I'm not sure what I'd want to see. I think I wanted just a little more. It feels like you cut off just before the actual climax so I'm left wanting more. There needs to be a statement about why all of this matters for me to upvote it.
That’s a fair criticism, though I’m not sure how I’d actually expand on the ending. The ending is supposed to be abrupt and end right at the climax, because it’s supposed to show how much the MC is truly missing. They don’t get a happy ending, they don’t even get an ending at all, they’re just stuck in the Backrooms, reminiscing over what they could’ve had.
The point of this was to showcase the danger of obsession while also trying to experiment with metafiction, to show how becoming to absorbed if your work can ruin your life or take it away completely. I think I achieved that, but I know this isn’t a perfect story, especially when you consider the fact I wrote it in 5 days.
I really enjoyed reading this 'meta' tale. Imagine being the creator of the classic Backrooms paragraph, only to be superseded by your creation…
Also, the loop with the beginning and ending sentence is just sooo good, it really cements the 'pataphysical' nature of this tale and is reminiscent of an SCP article (which I think fits the mood—the Backrooms are pretty anomalous after all).
makes me think how many layers this goes 'up' and 'down'
Mincon if it was good
+1 from the past
cheeky of you to use this in INFINITY. anyways, everything I could want to say is already said above; I enjoy the touches of humor in the internal monologue, I enjoy the tight progression, and it really just strikes me in the right way. absolutely cooked with this one.
you got the "character X was just dreaming/imagining/making up about Y" trope but done right and it works so well. peak humour and story as a whole. unironocally my new favourite tale article and take on Level 0. :3
