The visual effects really add a lot to the BNTG theme of this object. Though the writing wasn’t the most intriguing (diction felt slightly simplistic at times, being a series of simple sentences that would sometimes be a little “blocky,” so to speak), I do find that the rest of the execution, both in its visual elements and overall world immersion, does (to some extent) make up for the deficiency in writing.
It at least kept me hooked enough to continue reading, even if the first page didn’t feel really enticing.
However, I will say my main gripe about this page is the clichéness. The final offset, in my opinion, doesn’t add much—it feels more like an epilogue to the main narrative. This is a classic case of the “BNTG promotes something but it ends up being harmful” trope. The incidents in Level 10 are vaguely described and briefly glossed over, when in my opinion, they should feel more like the main focus. Your exposition building up to this “safety concern” is longer than the actual description of the “safety concern.” And the exposition doesn’t do much either, especially the interview log—this feels like a rehash of information we’ve received from the first entry and the emails. Emails don’t add much, and “we must hold the BNTG accountable” comment at the end just feels off, because harmful scandals like this are exactly what the BNTG keeps getting away with,
TL;DR: Cheesy, but somewhat formidable. Nice visuals, but subpar writing.
No-vote.
Whoa, it’s a forum signature. Ain’t that cool?
I’m waking up to ash and dust
I wipe my brow and I sweat my rust