Positives:
- SPaG isn't perfect, but it feels like it's improved from your previous entries! You use spicy words like "syncope", "orifices", and "obelisk". I like your funny words, magic man!
- Use of the dark theme!
- Mention of Level 400 as a related level is much appreciated, since there's some noticeable similarities!
- haha free trial funni
Negatives:
- Some SPaG annoyances (wrong prepositions, inconsistent capitalization and formatting, passive instead of active voice, etc). DM me (Kai4Christ#2063) or comment here if you would like extensive correction!
- You could have described the Obelisk in a separate sub-section with much more detail (material composition, size and dimensions, position within the level, any strange properties, etc)
- Description part of the server heat, heatwave, loss of consciousness etc could be more concise. I feel that you repeated yourself quite a bit there, which was mildly annoying, but nothing too serious.
- You could have elaborated more on the individuals who fainted and dieded. Speculate about why this might happen.
- Not the best as a Goicon entry because the UEC presence doesn't add anything much to the level. You could have added in some evidence of things they were doing, to fuel speculation about their suspicious activity!
