ill paste a direct exmple here when im on pc but one passage i felt would benefit from another editing pass is the ome where the son expresses grief that he cannot shine for the Primum: this is a good image, but i feel like it lingers just a beat too long on the sadness of the son and doesnt really do anything other than restate what we already could infer. wish i could explain more bjt hopefully you can see what i mean
]]>PRIMUM MOBILE (n.)
/ˌpɹaɪməm ˈməʊbɪli/
(by extension) the person or thing that is the main impetus for some action; a driving force.
In classical, medieval, and Renaissance astronomy, the Primum Mobile (Latin: "first movable") was the outermost moving sphere in the geocentric model of the universe.
The concept was introduced by Ptolemy to account for the apparent daily motion of the heavens around the Earth, producing the east-to-west rising and setting of the sun and stars, and reached Western Europe via Avicenna.
i dont usually write something like this but im trying to get out of my comfort zone and try to write prose for once, a personal one at that. im pretty proud of it. was originally going to post this once the eidolon hub is out but i decided to post it in sandforums now instead for fun and an hour later Sariastuff (aka. the goat) greenlit it. so thats cool
The Love That Moved the Sun
l'amor che move il sole e l'altre stelle.