first things first, the SPaG is glaring. literally an incorrect article usage first sentence through. there's a recurring pattern sentence overload, where you're stuffing sentences as long and full as possible because…why? splitting sentences would have done you a lot better, here it's literally string after string such as "While in Level 287, instead of the typical hum-buzzing of lights, wanderer's will hear piano noises that range from a single note, to snippets of music, to randomly played notes, to whole melodies, to one note being played repeatedly, while sometimes even cutting into each other, creating crash/blue screen sounds." aside from that, i want to pull this sentence too because as a piano player, what on earth does "crash/blue screen sounds" even mean?
"There is an interesting effect on wanderers and objects (for example cameras will show the effect when video from it is played) that traverse this level. While going further down the level, their vision will begin to appear similar to that of a VHS tape."
and thus this was never elaborated upon again. what does it mean? suddenly the way we see things are through a VHS filter?
you talk about entities but you lack an entity section in your page. it's fine but i do wish there was more consideration organization-wise.
"…glitch will lead to the void.
But don't you ever dare try to no-clip through the locked doors."
this is a dead link that i'm not sure leads to anywhere.
so overall, my view on this is that unfortunately it follows the same pitfalls as its original: too much information, little elaboration or substance built upon it, and not much variation on the original that makes it stand out.
i believe that perhaps this one would have needed more time and maybe some more crit to shine. this is your first level, which is fair, but it lacks organization and comes off as very rushed and well…unmemorable.
