Phenomenon 28 - “Mourning Nothing In Particular” / Discussion

Lovely.

I don't know the phenomena. I don't even know how to write one. This is the first phenomenon I've read, and I must say: I loved it. I found not only a good read, but a feeling that is human, that makes us feel alive: nostalgia. Sometimes we stand in the middle of our rooms and wonder if our life will take a chaotic and fun turn. We hate our monotonous life and only wish for something different, but how will we know if we'll be able to love what's different? When we argue with our parents, friends, or family, we feel that sensation rising in our throat that ends up lodging in our brain, a sensation that makes you want to never see them again, to imagine a good life without them. But it's not true. We'll never know what we have until we finally lose it. We may hate our parents and this monotonous life, but once life is different and everyone is gone, what will we be? Just a sad mass of raw flesh without happiness, inside a shell full of bitterness and loneliness. This has made me value what I have more, so that I can never say bitterly, with tears streaming down my cheeks, that I never valued anything. This didn't make me cry, Moon, but it made me reconsider everything. Will we still have everything even when we have nothing?

This is well written but there isn't a phenomenon here

Okay, now that you've learned a lot about writing in general, and seeing your recent pages and how well you did, I'm allowing myself to be more "demanding," so to speak.

As for the actual writing, I think it holds up pretty well by itself! The prose flows well, and we start identifying with the character. It tells us about their fears, their anguish, and their difficulties very efficiently. It's a great introduction.

However, that's where the issue of the page lies, in my opinion. It feels like you're introducing something, yet it feels lackluster, as if it were going nowhere. Like if you started the page but didn't finish it. There's not really a morale, nor a well-installed one that is. In barely 500 words, you didn't get the time to go over the topic you wanted to tell. It doesn't feel like it's going over the grief of someone who cannot move on but rather only introduces the character and a glimpse at this topic. There is no development, no climax, no ending. It doesn't manage to tell its purpose, and it makes the whole page fail in consequence.

Like I said, if this was the start to something, and we had offsets or more development, it would work very well! Taking your time to develop the thought would make us more immersed and tell us more about the how and the why, helping us identify rather than only get a presentation. However, right now, it simply lacks this "plot". I wouldn't say it would be hard to make it work, however. The prose is efficient, and I feel confident that you are able to develop the ideas and the plot in order to convey more of it.

So yeah! Not a downvote because the page is bad, but because it feels unfinished to me. I am, however, interested in seeing a more developed side of the story introduction, as it nonetheless managed to get me interested in what the page could offer in terms of narration and message.

PS: Interestingly enough, I would disagree with people calling it a tale and not a phenomenon. I actually find it very interesting to have a page present something that isn't anomalous at all but rather a phenomenon that could touch anyone, a common thing that might be overlooked by writers and in-universe characters alike. Makes the page feel very human, in a sense.

I know what I like.

I love this!

Truth be told, I can't define it or categorize it.

Is it a phenomenon?

It is my heart's desire.

I feel a lot the same as Praetor with this one.
This whole thing feels like an introduction to a longer tale.
It would benefit a lot from going into all the different facets of how the protagonist relates to themselves, others, and their environment.
It's well written, with interesting prose throughout and good emotional weight, it's just it could be expanded way more.
It also isn't really a phenomenon, there's no suggestion that it is caused by the backrooms, it's just a relatively natural human reaction to a new place.

"But they don’t tell you just how different surviving is from living."
This line was so relatable.

I critted this a bit so I know maybe I should like it, but I don't really get why this is a phenomenon and I didn't really connect with it. It narrowly escaped the deletion threshold but I think it should stay in it because this could be real good with another try

I +1ed but change it to a novote, because i didnt understand why this is supposed to be a phenomenon here. Like, everybody else, it should not be/is a phenomenon.

I find it strange how the 2 most common critiques of this page are that:
A) it should be longer and provide a more complete thought
B) that it isn't a phenomenon

when it is, as close to objectively true as art can be, clear that this tale provides for and is absolved of both things.

first, I think that this story is able to develop the thought "What is the most ideal to cope with being in a place like the Backrooms?" quite well in general, not just given the shortform limit it has. I gave a large amount of crit to this, in full transparency, but I'm confident in supporting this because I just think it knows what to do and does it quickly. From the opening moments of the tale, we get a glimpse into this protag — they are a stable and functioning member of Backrooms society, and maintain this place and time and stimulus to themselves in order to be able to justify releasing emotion to themselves. The song they use is "the same shitty Drowning Pool song", the blanket they use is the same blanket with mismatched yarn — a good foreshadowing of their interest in knitting later on.

Then, we have the middle of the story: Doubt. Is the protag really being perfect in the handling of their despair here? Is carving out a time to feel better than just being constantly stoic? They experiment with different things — keeping scraps and trash from the Frontrooms — and do other productive things too, like knitting. Yet, they know it's not enough, because the underlying emotional need they have (to be able to honor their loved ones properly) will never be fulfilled. The protagonist wants to move on after seeing that the midnights spent crying is not enough, but coping during the daytime doesn't work.

Finally, there is the end. Knowing that it doesn't work, the protag concludes that it is meaningless, and realizes that this pain is shared throughout the Backrooms' populace. Everyone feels tortured under the oppressive lights and jolting clips, and no one is undamaged, and the protag decides that pretending as much is a bad thing to do: it's dishonest, "they don't tell you as much."

So yeah, this definitely tells a complete story.

As for the phenomenon critique, I humbly ask all who suggest it to please downvote Phenomena 26, 55, 80, 90, 11, and….
…You get my point. Phenomena have never been about the format, it's simply about telling a compelling story while sticking to describing one scene or event from that story — if that.

Frankly, I don't think this page is Rey's best work, but I also think that it is better than the ratings make it out to be, and I think that people are not being open to this article in a fair way.