Entity 125 - "To Kill a Sun" / Discussion

This is a project that was long in the making, started sometime in 2023.

After two years I really have nothing else to say. It was always in present continuous, some glass fixture hanging by clear threads on the ceiling of an atrium.

And here it is.

Two years changed a lot of me and a lot of her as well. Flat shapes gained depth, colors are enriched, metaphors appeared out of nowhere. We found veins of striking color and put sense into the madness. I guess what I'm trying to say here is we've all come a long way, though most wouldn't know this.

She stands at the horizon, hands on the railings, watching a sunrise she has never seen before. There are roads she has yet to walk on, decisions she has yet to make, people she has yet to meet. There are complex webs of interconnected individuals she will become a part of. There are many stories of hers yet to be told, and many stories she has yet to find out about.

Would anyone be against an unplanned happy ending? I think not.

- mandatory playlist -

IN SHARDS WE ARE BORN, IN FRACTURES WE WILL THRIVE

▷ ⇆ ···

01. [INTRO] He Is Her - Luigi Rubino

02. [INTERLUDE] Drain Re;act mix (English) - ELECTROCUTICA

03. [OUTRO] Re: Sin - ばぶちゃん

One day, a jellyfish met an octopus at the bottom of the Mariana Trench. And the jellyfish saw that the octopus's writing was curious, and so pledged herself to help bring her friend's vision to life. And the octopus saw that the jellyfish was kept in the basement of an evil overlord and fed crumbs in exchange for art, and so pledged themself to help free their friend from tyranny.

On one moonlit night, the jellyfish and the octopus snuck away together under the cover of darkness. They swam towards the direction of the rising sun, hand in hand, and lived happily ever after.

It's very… artistic.
Like a painting with words.
I didn't fully understand it all (I suppose that's the way with surrealism) but it is very hopeful, very uplifting by the end.
+1

One thing I usually dislike about your style of writing is how you tend to prioritize putting up a vibe over making a story, which makes the article feel purposeless and shallow.

However, I think that here, you've managed to find a good balance between setting a mood (which you two are very good at) and telling a compelling story (which was something you struggled with more)

The topics have been handled pretty well, and the metaphor was smooth without feeling obvious either. I really enjoyed the format, the different characters, and how they interacted and built upon each other to show what they were about.

The only thing I want to criticize is the starting page. The clinical tone format you used is a very cold and distant one, yet you merged it with a very poetic language register which made it feel quite clunky, to roughly conflict between facts and emotions and clash with each other in the same sentences.

But not only is this merely a detail of the story introduction, but as someone who believes in endless learning in writing, I think the three years of work you've put into this article really paid off.

Keep it up! I look forward to that kind of writing and stories that push the wiki forward in terms of what it can tell and how.

Edit because I forgot to say it here, but you're gonna need to change the MEG eagles you used in the pages however, as they are the non-cc variations that we're gradually removing from the site. You can use the one in here if needed.

despair-hope switcheroo bait AS I DID IN MY CO-
love the art it's very banger

went over this in crit, and i'd say this came out pretty damned good in the end. i will be bumping this one for a while, and it's probably top 3 to come out of team hope.

Someday, together?