It's a drabble. It's 100 words exactly, so any critique that is, "Make it longer." will be met with an orbital space laser.
However, if you have a suggestion that keeps it within 100 words still, the laser will not be fired :)
Words are perfectly placed. There is no issues. I can’t find issues help! I can’t find issues help! I can’t find issues help! I can’t find issues help! I can’t find issues help! I can’t find issues help! I can’t find issues help! I can’t find issues help! I can’t find issues help! I can’t find issues help! I can’t find issues help! I can’t find issues help! I can’t find issues help! I can’t find issues help! I can’t find issues help! I can’t find issues help! I can’t find issues help! I can’t find issues help! I can’t find issues help! I can’t find issues help! I can’t find issues help! I can’t find issues help! I can’t find issues help! I can’t find issues help! I can’t find issues help! I can’t find issues help! I can’t find issues help! I can’t find issues help! I can’t find issues help! I can’t find issues help! I can’t find issues help! I can’t find issues help! I can’t find issues help! I can’t find issues help! I can’t find issues help!
This document's existence proves the existence of prior ones, so "this is the first known document" does not make sense. The creator even asks "Was I mistaken when I read about the Manila Room…?", and in the last page found the GPD, clearly meaning they found a document on it here. That document would be preserved instead, meaning this one has no reason to be.
The first known document does not mean it’s the first document. When we say Sumerian is the first known written language, it’s because we haven’t found anything older yet, not because it doesn’t exist. This isn’t a plot hole.
You did not read my full comment. It's a plot hole because the character found out about the Manila Room on the GPD, which would know of its own past documentation. Using your analogy, it would be like the Sumerians saying Greek was the first known written language.
I did read your crit, you did not read the page
The sentence you are talking about does not specify a GPD article, only a “page.” A page can mean a piece of paper, too. The manilla room includes/(included, as implied here,) a piece of paper explaining these things
I doubt signet would forget to backlink the page, let alone miss a plot hole like that.
"I found this database" quoted from the previous page in the series, which continues into the context of this. Not only did you not read my comment, you did not read the referenced page.
Seconding Spec here, this is a ridiculous thing to call a plot hole. It makes complete sense to call it 'the first known document' if nothing older has been found yet.
Also everything is perfectly viable to be preserved, clearly you don't know what the purpose of an archive is.
Thank you for the critique. However, this was not a plot hole. This is foreshadowing to the next bit of the story. That part was completely planned. I encourage you to think about what would cause someone to have knowledge of things that aren't there. Especially if this document is the oldest, what could cause this supposed contradiction between what the writer knows and what she sees?
That's fine if you patch the plot hole later, but I can't judge this based on how you may or may not do so.
This page gives me no reason to continue following the character. The last one was carried on emotional language, and this lacks it. It also gives no expansion on the characters and their connection. Without the last line, this would just be a description of a place that has already been described; and at the same time, that line also doesn't save the page because we already know the protagonist intends this.
I gave it a +1 because I like your writing style, but there's not that much that's cool here to be honest other than the singular emotional thread of gee I really gotta go find that person huh…
I get that this is a drabble — which, let's keep these up and we could have a drabble tag… — but there could be some more specific details that give me a sense of what exactly the nature of these peoples' relationship is. From the previous page, I get that this is a really dedicated relationship. It reminds me of Atlas' series Homeward Bound. But I think you basically just have to give me more of an idea of what these people like about each other, and then I can get truly invested in seeing them reunite.
(Or, alternatively, seeing yer man finally find that other person and they're just like… dude, for me it's been a year already and I've obviously been, erm, living my life. with somebody new.)
You promised you'd take me there again some day… but you never did.
Ah that's a good idea!
Drabbles are hard in that there's only so much you can put in. In this one, I wanted to focus on introducing a new problem, which is elaborated on in the next part. But I'll keep what you said in mind for the next sections.
Thank you!
