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» Unnumbered Entity - "The Jaws of Emendation"
This is the discussion related to the wiki page Unnumbered Entity - "The Jaws of Emendation".
it took me forever to find this
U.E. Menzies
What a read!! You both have truly outdone yourselves with this one. My favorite entry so far!
How the hell am I supposed to beat this 😭😭😭😭
anyways, this is immediately in my top 10 pages I’ve ever read. Goddamn
also I’m tagging this for you
where the hell is the license box
"where the hell is the license box"
its… in there somewhere…
I remember Birch and I did something weird because it was popping out in a really inconvenient way for the page theme and text scroller— All of the stuff in this page was either made by smithmachine for this page, or was from freesound
I have the links to everything and stuff if I have to redo it. I'll look into this tomorrow (it eepy time)
Edit: license box is done its in the infobox the link is hard to see tho
For eldritch horrors beyond your comprehension
Whoa, it’s a forum signature. Ain’t that cool?
I’m waking up to ash and dust
I wipe my brow and I sweat my rust
Tactical meme fumble you should have said "Space is the place with the hellish monsters, folks!"
tsk tsk (fr tho I constantly yap about us needing more eldritch abominations, so I decided to be the change I want to see lol)
I love the immersion and ambiance so much here and I think this page has a great chance at winning.
You get my upvote free of charge.
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSPPPPPPPPPPPPPPAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCCCEEEEEEEEEEEEE
The audio got me the first time lol. Saying the execution of the page is perfect would be an understatement !
I like format screw in general so i absolutely loved it. Take that +1
In brightest day, in blackest night, no force of evil shall escape my sight
I applaud you for your use of 2nd person here, it certainly adds to the article a lot. It's a difficult writing style to use without coming off as corny, but you succeeded very well. The css with the ambience is also very impressive. Usually I think article ambiences are kinda dumb but this really added to it a lot. I actually kinda jolted a little when the rocket launch sound effect happened lol, definitely caught me off guard.
The css of the text running is a littttle gimmicky but I understand why you did it, and the end kinda makes up for it. I also appreciate the speed dial at the top which makes it not really a problem, just a nitpick if anything.
I also like how you really honed in on the dread and loneliness of the void. I think I would've liked a touch more focus on that part, but I'm just kinda a big details guy and everything I'm saying is nothing more than a nitpick. Very good article, one of the better tales I've seen from this site in a long time.
+1
Hell yeah, and fair. The main point of the article was that dread and loneliness, but we also didn't want to overdo the total amount of focus on the "nothingness." Conveying that through text is hard, because you walk a fine line between "good horror" and "literally boring."
Schulze wrote most of those sections, and bro absolutely cooked beyond a shadow of a doubt.
As for the rocket launch jumpscare, that was definitely my intent with choosing that specific sound lol. Just as "you" in the tale are freaking out because of the spaceship breaking down, "you" listening to the tale get startled by that same sound of the engines nearly exploding.
Originally, there was a "door hiss" sound before this. However, upon rechecking the licensure, I found out it wasn't compatible. So I removed it.
The… "main" sound at the ending was made by SmithMachine. Originally we just had a basic "kaiju roar" soundbyte, but bro said "nah fuck this Im gonna do better" and made that absolute gem
I thoroughly enjoyed this article. I did not enjoy finding the comments section
Masterful usage of CSS, audio and visual effects. I must say that the sliding text actually helped me in reading the page!
All in all, a well written story and a strong contender for the contest. There was only one bit that I thought could have perhaps leaned in more on the surreal and eldritch horror aspect, which is this one:
The repetition is maddening. The repetition means performing duties with only muscle memory. The repetition makes you less conscious while doing these tasks, and the grim thoughts from before begin to sputter into your mind once more. The repetition makes your actions seem less significant and smaller. As your routine maintenance checks get smaller and smaller, so does your ship.
This could have leaned more on the repetition ("Show, don't tell!"). The text already reads like a series of wandering thoughts, all concerned with different things, all losing focus, and later on the idea of a time loop is heavily hinted. There's something scary with losing control of your mind, of word vomiting sentences that are less and less coherent, which is also something Bruce does later on.
+1, love to see that more and more Backrooms entries are going in a more risky and self-challenging direction.
If you novote/downvote this on the basis that it's too slow for you, then it's entirely on you for making it slow. THE SLIDER CAN GO FASTER. DO NOT BE DAFT. STARING AT A FEW OF YOU.
/forum/t-16981138/unnumbered-entity-the-jaws-of-emendation#post-