A Letter to my Past Self / Discussion

I hope y'all like this. This is the rewrite of a rewrite of one of my first pages. This is one I hold dear to me because I performed a version of this poem at a poetry slam last year.

Where you go, I go
What you see, I see

Jokes out of the way, really good page (I might be saying that since I love poems too lol), but it really drew me in. Really evokes a feeling of regret for the past, and I like how this can not only be related to the Backrooms in a way, but also real life.

Great work you did with this one, +1

I will never regret, joining here, finding you, reading and enjoying your words, Thank you.

Sorry that nothing rhymes. Poetry is not my strong suit. +1 for you.

It was a very heartwarming poem. I loved the idea behind it simple but deep.

I think that the amateurish tone this (probably intentionally) takes on works to its detriment because it makes the poem fall into a disorganized array of thoughts which are not captivating — to me, at least — in their own right, especially when it comes to unoriginal imagery like "Deep in this chasm, I write this to you" and "After my survival, the getting-over-my-wrongs-denial". There are hints of rhyme schemes throughout that fall apart in the effort to keep the lines short and not look weird while center-justified, and this also chops up the natural rhythm of the lines in a way I felt was jarring while trying to read. couple this with a mostly undeveloped relationship which i'm sure means a lot to the author but had no impact on me, and I ultimately came away from this dissatisfied.