+1
Ultra sniped.
Preemptive +1 since I greenlit this and approve of it wholeheartedly.
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» Phenomenon 15 - "Inversion"
This is the discussion related to the wiki page Phenomenon 15 - "Inversion".
Next time you find yourself outside below the open sky, give a quick glance to the imposing heights that constantly look down upon us. Then, wonder what would happen if the only link one has to the surface of our beloved Earth, gravity, were to suddenly cease functioning.
That's it, it's done! Phenomenon 15, Inversion, has been posted. This entry has been in the works for a couple of months now, it wasn't even meant to be part of the contest at first, but I just said eh let's jump right into it! A lot of hard work has been put into it, and I'm very happy with how this turned out in the end.
I opted for what I self-consider a thorough backrooms-esque approach. How much crazier can things get in this infinite hellhole we all are one way or other so familiar with? I'm very much looking forward to see, but for now, this will do as my contribution to the phenomena category. It also seems like Liminal Echo is very much again at it with its evil doings here as well!
Oh, what in the world was that gigantic black star! Heh, it may be something that will play a really big role in the Backrooms sometime soon! In all seriousness, I have great plans regarding it in future endeavors, so I made sure to make it as mysterious and intriguing as possible. Look forward to it!
I sincerely hope anyone who gave this page a chance enjoyed it as much as I did enjoy writing it and coming up with the idea. I figured a concept so simple, yet so unnerving had to be on-site one way or other. I intended this page to be a fun, unique read, but that at the same time felt really serious and imposing. I personally think we've done a great gob. It was a ride working with all the critics that have helped me in this creative process!
Special thanks to
I also thank Sky3 for giving an in-depth conceptual critique on this page, to
ForestIsWatching for reviewing my implementation of said crit before the article was ready to send a greenlighter's way, and to
DivineAtlas for the tech help, and of course, to all other critics that helped me with this project.
And shoutout to Robert Goerman's fantastic Happy Dance phenomenon, as it was this very page the one that gave me the will to begin writing my own phenomenon entry.
As a final note, know that this number is temporary, as I will most likely switch the page to the Phenomenon 15 slot whenever I get the chance so that it matches with the current Level 1.5. In addition, feel free to reference the Inversion any way you want in other works. However, if one were to mention heavy "lore" implications, I'd like them to contact me first.
Edit: the number change has been made.
This article is licensed under the CC BY-SA 3.0 license.
A reaaaaly creative article, and i like the true "inversion" in the offset 2! cool
Heh, thank you Deip! Very glad you enjoyed it.
(account deleted)what a shameeeeeeeeee…
i cant watch it but its really gooooooood!!!!!!
????? This doesn't really make any sense.
You are one of the few authors whom I'd say that I can literally feel the time and dedication in your works. Felt it in 7.7 and I feel the same way here- it's creative and interesting. +1, awesome work, and glad to see it posted via the old system no less!
This means a lot, monster. Thanks! I'm very glad you enjoyed it, indeed I like giving my all in my articles, very happy that you pointed that out. And yeah, yall give greenflames a chance, it's a very fun process!
Ericote,
What a WONDERFUL read! Wish that I could give you a handful of +1's.
"Darn Liminal Echo!" I will admit that the inversion of gravity (offset) here made it difficult to find your "Discussion" section. Good thing that I was indoors. Quite a surprise! Ha! Loved it.
THANK YOU for your kind mentions of my work.
That I played a small part in inspiring one of my now favorite phenomena warms my heart and soul. I honestly and simply love this. Thank you for writing this. Thanks to everyone that aided you in this effort. Wow!
Your friend and colleague,
Goerman
http://backrooms-wiki.wikidot.com/goerman
Yeah thank you very much Robert! That's the cool thing about collaborative writing communities. In some way, all of our works influence each other one way or other.
I'm very glad you liked it!
Unique page, unique idea, unique writing. I can see the dedication, good job.
honestly you should make the inverted liminal theme you used in the offset its own theme! i was gonna do it myself but i got beaten to it by something even better than what i imagined >:(
if you see this, this is a forum signature. if you want one, check out https://www.wikidot.com/account/settings#/forumsignature
First, very happy that you enjoyed the page! As for the theme, yeah I don't see why not, I'll give it a go. I have to deal with some irl stuff first though, but I'll get to it.
(I'll ask you ratif for tech help, then. I'm not very good at code in general so I'll need it).
I am really excited that this finally got posted (thanks Ratif for getting the ball rolling)! Critting this and brainstorming with you Ericote was a joy, it's such a creative and interesting article from a kind human. I look forward to your future works!
oi Atlas, the feeling is mutual! It was very fun. Thank you for all the help and support, I'm very much looking forward to your future pages too. If you ever need help again, please ask, and I'll see what I can do!
Yo eric
I like your stuff but MAN this was a tough read.
Your concept is great!
The CSS is impressive!
But the SPaG… uhh…
You seem to be attempting to level up your writing by throwing in more fancy words, and by making sentences longer and more complex. But the result is that your writing just ends up over-complicated and tough to understand.
Compare:
Nonetheless, an additional sequence of supernatural occurrences will always take place shortly before the gravitational change of Phenomenon 30 comes about.
With:
Nonetheless, the gravitational change is always preceded by a specific sequence of supernatural events.
Compare:
The initial inversion of colour in the environment produces supplementary effects once it has come to pass.
With:
The initial inversion of colour is accompanied by a host of supplementary quirks.
Now I'm all for fancy schmancy writing, but you do seem to be struggling a lot with sentence structure here. You seem to be trying to sound more elegant, but piling on so many complicated words into long sentences isn't the best way of doing that. While my suggested fixes may not be as extravagant, they certainly are much clearer and more readable — and I think THAT is what makes writing more elegant!
If you saw my initial draft of the L8 rewrite, you know I struggle with this as well lol. Something I've been learning to do is to exercise restraint. I encourage you to try to hold back from dumping in all the crazy words you can think of at once. Make sentences shorter and more "to the point". Use active voice instead of passive voice. Condense long phrases into shorter words (THAT is when vocabulary comes in useful). Be concise — make your words count in getting your point across!
Kai, thank you for letting me know what your thoughts about the page are! At first, your vote striked me, since it came so out of the blue, coming from you no less. But I honestly appreciate that you ended up pointing that which needs room to improve. It shows me that your opinion on it is an honest one, and that you would like to see an improved version of what I have presented.
Indeed word usage is tough for me. You see the thing here is that I'm not a native english speaker. That's my biggest handicap by far on this site. God, if you knew how much work me and Ratif had to put into this to make it become at least presentable enough as it is now! I had to rewrite so much things, it was exhausting, and yet there still seems to be even more room for improvement.
I don't think my intention was to make use of more complex or fancier words. I honestly just struggle trying to send my point across sometimes, may it be cause I just can't come up with the adequate words, or I don't know. That's why I asked for a lot of crit before getting this posted, it was a lot of effort.
On the bright side of things, it seems like you liked the concept and the creativity that was put on this page! That's reassuring, as I think those are the real strength of the article. Honestly, I wouldn't mind if you'd like to give me a last spag crit that solves those instances of wordy issue. And if Ratif is fine with it, that is. I'd be down to work through wikidot PM if you wanna, if not, I understand and appreciate the feedback anyway! For now, those changes you suggested have been applied.
I've also temporarily left the discord cause I'm going through a busy period of my life currently. So know that if anything happens, I won't be there.
Hey Eric, thanks for your response and clarification on your writing process! Honestly, mad respect for being able to write at this standard at all, for not being a native English speaker. My second language is Mandarin Chinese… I absolutely could not do the equivalent of your standard if I were to write in Chinese. Seems like although my standards are a bit high, people like your work and it's paid off ☺️
Rat actually asked me for guidance with the crit, but I was busy and missed it 😅 so I suppose I owe you this one anyway. Earlier yesterday I reached out to him about it and "critiqued his crit" though!
Currently, I've reached my critique quota this week, but I'd love to offer a full treatment when I'm able. You can be sure that this is on my to-do list!
Saw that you left the server too. Hope things go well IRL! Jesus bless you.
/forum/t-15865590/phenomenon-15-inversion#post-