Written very, very last minute for What If Contest 2022, and probably one of the very few practically coldposts I've ever posted.
This story answers the question "what if The End became aware that humans became aware of its methods?"
Well, correct, without my glasses I don’t see
~🌱
Seems like a lot of this tale went over people's heads, which tells me it needs to be reworked post-contest. I'll edit this forum post later to explain a few things that didn't get carried across well, since I'd rather this work hold its own without a supplemental explanation.
Rare Footage of ghostchibi not making an essay. [LIVE] [NOT CLICKBAIT] [GONE WRONG] [STAFF CALLED] [3AM]
This is based on some members(including me) :) said before this thing was posted.
+1
Reading through this, I liked it fine. Probably enough to upvote it normally, or more likely not bother and novote like I do on everything else, but…. I am a person of context, and in the context of this particular contest, this article falls pretty flat.
The "what if?" of this is supposed to be "what if The End became aware that humans became aware of its methods?", which is just, a pretty weak premise to begin with. The effects are so localized, I know that The End is a pretty big shot level, but it's still just one level. And it isn't even something major like The End ceasing to exist or completely changing, just it "becoming aware" of something. However, I am critiquing an article, not a random sentence in the discussion page, so let's talk about how this What If? connects to the article.
My biggest annoyance with this article is that I can't derive the premise from the article at all. What exactly is the "becoming aware" part? Is it the fact that the Wanderer noclips into a different level, which usually doesn't happen? I'm fairly certain it doesn't have anything to do with the actor, or really anything in the article. With most of the other articles the "What If?" is really obvious, an exit to the backrooms, or the government created the backrooms, or the world ends or whatever.
I don't want to complain about an article not having a big enough scope or world shattering implications, but that is kind of what the contest is about isn't it? Your entry doesn't have to inspire me to write about and think about your alternate universe as I sleep, but I do want to feel like there's at least more to be said about the world of an article than is shown. No part of this really feels like a "self contained canon" or that I'm peering through the looking glass into another reality. This article could easily take place within the canon of almost every article on the site. I wouldn't even bat an eye about it not being typical behaviour for The End, levels do weird atypical stuff all the time.
Overall, this is fine enough meandering slice of life tale, but that isn't want I need from a contest entry. Maybe after the contest I'll scan through this a couple more times and see if there's anything more to it that would make me change my vote.
-1
Hey! I really liked the writing style especially of the first part of the article.
I don't have an in depth crit like Team_Elii, but from a quick read I can say it left me clueless to who the
fake person is and why the second part takes places in level 906 of all places.
The premisse indead is not strong enough to carry this entry, and while the writing is entertaining, it is also not enough for a +1, not even for a 0, at least for me. Even so,it is good for a "coldpost"
The fake person (by my understanding) is a physical manifestation of The End as to test the main character to see what they knew and thought about the level itself as to fix what needs to be fixed in order to either make it easier or harder depending on the answers and what The Ends motivations are.
