I crit this so don't have much else to add to this, but it's an endearing idea. nothing too special, and nothing utterly boring. Just the right amount of normalness.
Upvote.
There are roads,
a samurai must travel…
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» Entity 118 - NO DATA…?
This is the discussion related to the wiki page Entity 118 - NO DATA…?.
My feeling with this one is basically the same as what Argon said in sandbox crit. It's not groundbreaking, and it's kind of lackluster, but it's also simple and succinct and easy to read. An enjoyable experience for me, so upvote for youu
A bit of spag in some places, but nothing that'll entirely ruin the entry. I feel like there could be something more, but other than that, neat read. +1
Still, better safe than sorry in this ####, I'll just check the page history to be completely sure.
Comma splice. Should be a period after the hashtags (curse word sobs)
I don't know if the entity template was the correct choice, but I need to get this information out regardless, and quickly.
Move regardless and the comma to after “but”
There seems to be a sort of an "infection" of sorts spreading throughout the Backrooms.
You have “a” and “an” in the same sentence, remove one.
I have no clue why no one has written anything about this- surely someone's noticed?
The hyphen should be a dash. Parenthetical phrases need dashes and purposefully incomplete sentences or pauses in dialogue get hyphens.
There'll be these big roots- dark, twisted, and usually purplish in color- poking out of the ceiling and walls.
Same correction as above, these hyphens should be dashes.
Whole thing almost looked like a bizarre Halloween decoration- close to a stereotypical "haunted tree" or something, just different somehow, in a way I can't quite put my finger on.
Hyphen should be a colon
Concept:
The concept here is actually quite enticing. It is somewhat formulaic of weird scary thing that has a meta bit of posting it on the database, but still generally entertaining and spooky. My favorite part was the “bleeding out leaves” bit.
Execution:
The execution here, as I said is somewhat formulaic, but not to the point of being boring or cliche. It’s kinda the same format as level 16, for example. The show not tell approach here was really enjoyable and I like how you left a lot of things up to reader interpretation, something that isn’t done nearly often enough. It was genuinely entertaining and enticing as well. I agree with Argon and Rika of it not being WOW AMAZING but still pretty stinking good.
Did I enjoy reading this?
Yes, quite a lot.
Final verdict:
I throughly enjoyed the concept and execution of this article. I’m looking forward to seeing more from you! +1
All right, thanks for the help and I'm happy you enjoyed it! Dashes and hyphens seem to be my mortal enemy, so I'm glad you pointed those out.
So, how is deleting a page a good idea? Wouldn’t that lead to more people not knowing what it is and dying? And also what does the entirety do to the people after they die? Eat the corpses?
1) Reread a bit more carefully.
2) The "entirety" turns the leaves into a big fancy salad and sells them to other "entireties" so that it can support its struggling tree family in the ever-changing Backrooms economy. Times are tough, you know?
So, I think the leaves are the dead people that turned into leaves upon death, if I’m right
And also, is this a situation where if you read it, you die or something? There is something similar to level called speak no evil, where if anyone say the level name as a number and not bHZsMzUy, something bad happens, but with this, reading it costs the entity to spawn in, unless I am missing something, incase you can probably explain it
Jesus christ the ending…
+1. The concept of an entity like THAT is incredible.
Back in 2021 I thought this was just some regular spooky leaf virus.
Rereading it diligently now… holy shit. +1
The truth behind the entity really makes this article.
ok, I honestly confused about this Entity name "Entirety" (the creator did tell me in comments, so I assumed Entirety is the entity's actual name) what is the truth behind it?
interesting concept, but the execution and the character's reactions are a bit lackluster.
-1
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